


A Night at the Theater

by misura



Category: Galaxy Quest (1999)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 20:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2825153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cultural experience in five acts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Night at the Theater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mazily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazily/gifts).



_first act_

"This looks nice," Gwen said, finding her seat. "This looks very nice."

"If by 'nice' you mean 'posh', then yeah, sure." Jason snorted. "Just look at these people. Snob, much?"

"It's Shakespeare," Alexander said. "It's culture with a capital C. Oh, the memories this brings back."

"What I want to know is: where's the popcorn?"

 

_second act_

"And here I thought _my_ family was messed up."

"Shut up, Jason."

"No, seriously, this is better than reality TV. You know, that show with the - "

" _Shut up, Jason._ "

 

_third act_

"To think that could have been me. Do you know, I actually went to an audition the other day. They told me I was too old. _Too old._ I have wasted the best years of my life playing an alien life form with gills on his head!"

"Wait, those were gills? I thought they were just ... I don't know, brightly colored ridges or something."

"Third season, episode twenty-six."

"Shut up, Jason."

 

_fourth act_

"Jason, please stop yelling. People are staring at us."

"What? I thought it'd be nice to have a bit of audience participation. You know, choose your own ending. Majority vote goes. To stab the guy or not to stab the guy. Besides, he did ask."

"I'm pretty sure that was a rhetorical question."

"You don't know that, Gwen. I mean, did he _say_ it was just a rhetorical question?"

"No, that would have been common sense talking."

"Fine. _Fine._ I admit it, okay? This is just not my scene. It's not my thing. I don't like the costumes, I don't like the way these people talk, and I certainly don't like the plot. People are dropping like flies, for God's sake. What kind of story is that? Rocks fall, everybody dies? Sure, _that's_ fun."

"Shut up, Jason."

 

_fifth act_

"Oh, good, it's over. Hey, Alexander, wake up."

"For the hundredth time, I _wasn't_ sleeping. I was just resting my eyes. One can perfectly well enjoy Shakespeare auditorally instead of visually."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, did you see? That guy who played Richard the Third got, like, _six_ curtain calls. I mean, personally, I didn't think he was that good, but hey, what do I know?"

"He got _two_ ," Alexander said huffily, getting up. "Which were two more than he deserved, I'll grant you. Nice try, though. I really feel this experience has brought us much closer together."

Gwen smoothed her dress. "So, drinks at Jason's place? I could do with a good, stiff drink after all that."

"See, Jason? Shakespeare may have lived hundreds of years ago, but his tragedies are immortal. They still touch something deep inside of us. They make us _feel_."

"Sure, I _feel_ like I'd love to have a drink, Gwennie."

"Alex?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, by all means. What night could be complete without Jason getting drunk and treating us to a rousing rendition of _I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt_?"

"I _am_ too sexy for my shirt."

"Maybe you shouldn't bother putting one on in the morning, then."

"Yeah, but you see, have you ever heard of a song called _I'm Too Sexy For My Pants_? Huh?"

"You're an uncultured barbarian."

"Maybe I am. So what? You still love me. What does that say about _you_ , Mr Cultural?"

"It says that I strongly lean towards masochism."

"Darn right it does. Also, you've got great taste. At least when it comes to other stuff than, you know, movies and that kind of thing."

"Can I leave the two of you alone for just two minutes while I go and get us a cab?"

"Yes, yes, by all means. Go. I solemnly promise not to strangle him while you're gone."


End file.
